Argot

One of the most curious patterns of human behavior is the way we conduct ourselves in our different relationships. We all have different modes we run on. Work Mode, Family Mode, Friends Mode, Sex Mode. Like some strange awkward robot, we change ourselves to be appealing to our environment.

Everyone does this, but whenever you catch yourself doing it, it can be jarring. Is this really who I am? Is the same guy who laughs at unfunny jokes at work also the one who throws pumpkins at cars? Does the same sweet altar boy and Eagle Scout also refer to his friends affectionately as "asshats?" It can make one stop and think about who they really are, how they really feel, and what their morals might be.

One of the hardest parts about this whole identity pile mess is when you believe to have found the one person in the entire population that understands who you really are. What you thinks is your true self comes out and it makes you feel good. That seems to be what love is all about, at least to me. Not feeling like I might be wrong about what I'm doing our how I feel. But I'm nuerotic and full of Catholic guilt. Those two things are pretty much a common denominator in all my different modes.

The worst part of this psychological phenomenon is when these two different mindsets clash. Having friends over at a family function or having an office romance can make you feel really lost. You don't know how to act. You try to find common ground between these two identities and behave in a diplomatic fashion. But then something usually gives away and the more fun personality comes out. You end up cursing in front of your grandmother or trying to make out in the copier room.

I think Dexter Holland said it best: "You gotta keep 'em seperated"