Missive

Dear Port Authority,

You are a very scary place. You are scarier than a haunted house because the creatures that live in you are real. I would rather you be filled with werewolves and Draculas than the desperate hobos and angry commuters. If you were to shoot a hobo in the heart with a silver bullet, the police will get all pissed.

No matter what time of the day it is, you are no fun to be in. Several hours a day, you are host to a yuppie stampede. Thousands of rat racers trying to get some minute piece of recognition in their crummy desk jobs. At night, people sleep next to your soda machines, having no place else to go in the world.

You should change your name to The Desperation Terminal.

Yours at rush hour,
Adam


Dear Americas Funniest Home Videos,

Can you make a whole show of people getting hit in the face with balls in a rapid-fire presentation? It would make me the happiest boy in the world.

Yours in Schadenfreude,
Adam


Dear Readers,

I realize you have a lot of time to devote to other things. There's a lot of porn you could be watching, not to mention the countless Middle-Eastern music videos on YouTube. I appreciate whatever time you spend reading about what I think. I promise not to fill up this blog with a bunch of surveys about my high school years or the results of my "Which character from Studio 60 are you?" quiz. I'll try and keep it worthwhile.

Blogfully yours,
Adam