Trepidation

One of the terrible ironies of my life is that I work for a man who has made his name in the Sport Fishing arena of publishing, and I suffer from a mild case of icthyophobia. I'm not sure what happened or why it happened, but fish have just made me nervous. The older I get, the more I start to dread being near a fish.

Fish are gross, slimy creatures with big dumb ugly heads and monster faces. They make no noise. They have no facial expressions. They just want to kill and eat. The bigger they are, the scarier they grow. Look at sharks. They deeper into the ocean you go, the more frightening these monsters becoming. Angler fish look like they were created by H.R. Geiger when he had to sub in for God on his day off.

Having grown up near the Mississippi River, I'm well acquainted with catfish. They are probably the spookiest fish, with their thick face tendrils, their scaleless bodies, and their sharp barbs they hide in their bodies.

I hate going into pet stores near the giant wall of aquariums. I feel like they are going to all crack at once and then all end up stuck to me. Even worse would be to fall into a hatchery trough, over-saturated with young fish. I would probably puke and hyperventilate at the same time and choke to death.

Man, I'm getting nervous just writing about fish.