Empyrean

One of the spookiest things about dying is the finality of it all. When things end in life, like school, you have another step beyond that or maybe even another path you can continue on. Dying is it, though. You're dead and you're done. You don't get to see the series finale of Heroes. You don't get another Sunday morning pancake breakfast. You've opened your last birthday present.

That's what scares me the most. Being completely finished. Being active and busy is what I know best. If I don't think I have enough to do, then I get really antsy or even despondant. I feel bad that I don't have enough to do, like I'm wasting time.

I was pretty lazy as a kid. But there really isn't much to do when you are a kid besides sports. I'm not really an athlete now, so as a youth I was practically worthless. I scored one goal in soccer, but only because the forward and the opposing goalie clobbered each other and the ball rolled right in front of me. It was like in a movie. Very rarely in competive sports are your goals handed to you in Disney-esque fashion.

Going through high school, I was able to do more activities that fit my nerdy lifestyle that I was starting to settle into, like Quiz Bowl. In college, I hit my stride. I worked at a TV station and drew cartoons for the paper, all while taking 18 semester hours. I was in art competitions and putting on my own shows, and going to Open Mic Night at the Bootlegger regularly.

But now the idea of having to end everything all at once really scares me. But I guess I won't be around to be bored.